Apparently, some time in the recent past, I had decided that I needed to write down some of my greatest moments and phrases of my nursing career. The only problem was that I stopped at one example of each situation. Then, I forgot about all of it.
I’ve never claimed that I’m not a scatterbrain.
When I found the different word perfect documents, they made me giggle. I can’t remember anything about the patients other than what was written, but that’s par for the course for me.
Without further ado, here are some of my favorite moments from my nursing career!
1. Things a nurse should never hear from a patient: “Haven’t you ever stuck your finger up a man’s ass before?”
2. Things a patient should never hear from a nurse: “That’s really not that much blood coming out of your penis.”
3. The best description I’ve ever heard from another nurse: “The patient has one of those cavernous assholes, you know, like the ones that never get clean.”
4. I have only posted something a patient said to me one time on facebook and here it is: “A patient asked me if I could fly today. I told him I left my broomstick at home!”
So there you have it. That’s the sum of my nursing career autobiography.