Vacation Packing Advice

We are going on a family vacation half way across the country with another couple and their two kids to stay at a beach house for a week.  It might be heavenly.  I have learned a few things along the way about how to properly pack for a vacation and I’d like to share these jewels.

1.  About three weeks before said vacation, you should stop doing laundry entirely.  This will make it easier to do laundry and pack the weekend before you go on the vacation because all of your clothes will be in the laundry room freshly folded.  By the laundry fairies who do laundry while you sleep.

2.  You should break out the suitcases about a week before your vacation and leave them on the floor in your bedroom or some other major thoroughfare in your house.  This will increase the excitement about your cross country trip.  When your children start excitedly pulling their remaining clothes out of their drawers (because you all have too many clothes anyway) at way too early in the morning, you can groggily order your cherubs to put their clothes and blankets back where they were because you are not ready to pack yet.  Besides, they will still want to sleep with their blankets for the next three days before you go on vacation.

3.  Your girlfriend will spend a week at a spa perfecting her six-pack abs and getting facials and her roots covered up.  You should get ringworm. On your forehead.  It will ensure that no matter how good your girlfriend looks, everyone everywhere you go will be looking at you and only you.  At least they won’t be looking at the front butt you couldn’t be bothered to lose.

4.  You should stop going to the grocery store in an attempt to clean out all of the food that has been languishing in your refrigerator.  The food has been languishing because none of you really want to eat it and you shouldn’t have bought it anyway.  This food will not be eaten before the vacation.  You will end up going out to eat almost every night and bringing food in all of the other nights.  This has the added benefit of a 5 pound weight gain for you because you didn’t really want to fit into that old bathing suit.

5.  The day before you go on vacation, you and your husband will decide to go shopping for snacks for the road trip.  You should do this immediately after eating lunch so that every morsel of food you see will be unappetizing.  We bought a gigantic tub of animal crackers and a 1 pound package of beef jerky and a bunch of drinks.  Really, your kids will be satisfied with this.  I promise.

6.  You should begin packing your clothes into the various suitcases you plan on taking around 10:00 p.m. the night before you leave.  This will ensure that you will be up until 1:00 a.m. in the morning when you have to get up at 5:30 a.m. in the morning.  Really, the excitement of a twelve hour day of driving will keep you alert throughout the day.

I hope you find these helpful.  This is exactly what I did and I managed to stay alive on the first day of the trip.


2 thoughts on “Vacation Packing Advice

  1. These are the best vacay tips I have ever heard. Probably because I very much subscribe to this way of vacation preparation as well. Really, it’s the only way to be totally relaxed and unfrazzled before a trip with kids.

    Hope you have A FABULOUS TIME!!

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